In love, or in lust…

Every so often I catch a glimpse of the object of my affection in the flesh. Sometimes it appears in magazines, on TV or online, but it’s the ‘real life’ moments that mean the most and leave me breathless.

I can still remember the first time I caught sight of you. Instantly I knew that you were the one – you stood out like a beacon amongst a myriad of lesser creations. When I pointed you out to my friends they too agreed that you were something special, something that made you worth the costs involved in having you in my life. But someone else took you home that night, yet again I’m not that girl…

Perhaps this is not love, simply lust. Perhaps I don’t need you in my life the way I think I do. Perhaps somewhere there is another one, a better one, one that fulfils my needs in ways I cannot currently imagine. For now I shall watch from afar with envy, but one day – one day soon – I shall move on.

Don’t tell me that similar, less costly objects exist, for they are simply inferior and not worth the expense. If I cannot have the original, I will have nothing and simply mourn the gap that it leaves in my life.

The Alexa Mulberry, officially the first designer handbag I’ve lusted after. I didn’t even dare look at it in the shop, because I knew that once I’d seen it in the flesh, desire would overcome me. I didn’t really expect to come across one socially (I don’t know the kind of people who’d spend £700 on a handbag).

But some weeks ago I spotted it amongst a pile of bags at church. Instantly I recognised it for what it was and wondered who might own it. My initial suspicion was correct – only one woman would be lucky enough to have one, and probably hadn’t had to pay full price for it either. Now I see this bag most weeks in the pub, casually dumped on a table, overspilling with typical female junk. It’s beautiful and exactly what I need to my replace my terminally ill cross-body bag. However, I can’t have it. I know that I can’t have it and must accept that and move on with my life. 

Life can be so hard when we can’t have what we want.

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