Honesty (Rethought)

Every so often I regret that this blog’s become the eclectic hybrid of surreal ramblings that it has. (Incidentally, the ‘surreal’ is Abidemi’s word, not mine!) Where is the space for me to get serious? To pour out my soul to the world. To muse on key political issues or share deep philosophical thoughts…

Why do I hide these things from the public eye? Isn’t that the whole narcissistic point of blogging? Whose reading of these thoughts do I fear? (Aside from the periodic parental visits!)
People appreciate honesty, don’t they? But it’s not really the kind of cheeful thing you want to read in a quiet moment of blog reading, is it?
But sometimes this whole blogging lark doesn’t feel particularly honest to me. Am I just putting on a front of how I would like to appear in this vitual world? Playing to an audience of close friends, distant friends and total strangers. It’s as bad as (or worse than) the widely accepted habit of de-tagging photos we find unattractive on Facebook.
And if I was to be honest right now, what would I say?
  • That I’m worn out from the longest three-day working week in history.
  • That I’m on the cusp of some things in life that terrify me – earlier this week I got a glimpse of what the future might hold and I wasn’t sure that I liked it.
  • That I deeply fear certain things never happening.
  • That some things that have happened this week have made me sadder than I’d anticipated and prompted some re-thinking.
  • That often, I feel utterly helpless when faced with friends going through difficult issues and wonder why I think I can help even slightly.
But even then, is any of that honesty when I’ve not expanded on evasive statements?
As this is my blog and I can write what I like, I hope you’ll forgive a moment of introspection and wallowing. Perhaps I should add to my blogging rules that, as well as not blogging on Sundays, I don’t blog when in a particularly ponderous and self-indulgent mood. Otherwise, just ignore this post and wait till I have something refreshingly random to share instead.
I’ve come back to this after an e-mail in the early hours of the morning from a friend checking that I’m ok! I’m fine. Sometimes with blogging you write meaning one thing but it comes across as something else – something worse. I am not in a black hole of depression or anything, just facing up to some realities!

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