In love, or in lust…

Every so often I catch a glimpse of the object of my affection in the flesh. Sometimes it appears in magazines, on TV or online, but it’s the ‘real life’ moments that mean the most and leave me breathless.

I can still remember the first time I caught sight of you. Instantly I knew that you were the one – you stood out like a beacon amongst a myriad of lesser creations. When I pointed you out to my friends they too agreed that you were something special, something that made you worth the costs involved in having you in my life. But someone else took you home that night, yet again I’m not that girl…

Perhaps this is not love, simply lust. Perhaps I don’t need you in my life the way I think I do. Perhaps somewhere there is another one, a better one, one that fulfils my needs in ways I cannot currently imagine. For now I shall watch from afar with envy, but one day – one day soon – I shall move on.

Don’t tell me that similar, less costly objects exist, for they are simply inferior and not worth the expense. If I cannot have the original, I will have nothing and simply mourn the gap that it leaves in my life.

The Alexa Mulberry, officially the first designer handbag I’ve lusted after. I didn’t even dare look at it in the shop, because I knew that once I’d seen it in the flesh, desire would overcome me. I didn’t really expect to come across one socially (I don’t know the kind of people who’d spend £700 on a handbag).

But some weeks ago I spotted it amongst a pile of bags at church. Instantly I recognised it for what it was and wondered who might own it. My initial suspicion was correct – only one woman would be lucky enough to have one, and probably hadn’t had to pay full price for it either. Now I see this bag most weeks in the pub, casually dumped on a table, overspilling with typical female junk. It’s beautiful and exactly what I need to my replace my terminally ill cross-body bag. However, I can’t have it. I know that I can’t have it and must accept that and move on with my life. 

Life can be so hard when we can’t have what we want.

I ♥ London

Today was one of those days when I truly appreciated the city I call home.

There’s only been 6 years of my life when I’ve not lived within the M25, yet I still can’t seem to call myself a “Londoner”, but I know that whenever I go away, I leave a little piece of my heart here.

Having been torn away from the city aged 14 to go and inhabit a western shire, I’ve appreciated that my time in the city is really only temporary – I’m not going to live here forever – and so I try to make the most of it. It’s one of the reasons I moved from zone 3 to zone 2, so I could be 30mins from the river and all its beauty.

Maybe it was the mild weather and bright sun that made today particularly London-nostalgic. Perhaps it was because I had a generally chilled out day…the pool was virtually deserted at the gym, as was the sauna; my task of exchanging my faulty new boots was easily accomplished; I had a free hot chocolate courtesy of a full Nero card; and crossed the river just as the sun started to set.

The river’s the true heart of London. At my end (the salubrious Bermondsey bit), the old docks and factories are only just being re-developed, but it has character. Then there’s the way the architecture seems to compliment the flow of the water. [I’m about to go off one…you might want to skip it!]

Today I was on the rather random winding bus that goes from London Bridge to Covent Garden. It takes a back route behind the South Bank and I love seeing the reverse of the river view. Some of the buildings might look hideous if plonked down in the middle of nowhere, yet on the Thames, they’re just right. The National Theatre might not be a true work of art (could anything created out of concrete in the 60s be considered one?), but even when it’s not lit up with a pretty colour, it’s great in the context of the bend in the river.

I don’t know how long I’ve got left here (I’m not being morbid, it’s more because I know I’m going to have to move away one day), but days like today make me really appreciate what I’ve got, whilst I’ve got it.